Catching Up

As I rolled onto the highway yesterday morning, I headed north out of Lethbridge Calgary bound. The DR has a date at Blackfoot Motorsports for some fork seal love and new shoes. Clicking past the 2,200 mile mark on this trip, I ponder the last week and a half. There is so much to catch up on! I rode from BC to Idaho, meeting up with a fellow adventure rider, Craig from New Mexico on his KTM 950. Together we spent the past week exploring stunningly beautiful national parks and side roads of Wyoming, Montana and Alberta. As much as I enjoy riding and exploring alone, there are few things more enjoyable than following the flow of a well matched riding partner stopping to take photos or reaching a destination with eyes wide, exclaiming "did you see the size of that buffalo?!?". Sharing an experience is a huge part of what makes it so indelible.

The ramblings in my helmet drift over to the seemingly conflicting ideologies of autonomy and interdependence that have been steeping more consciously in the past few months.

Wikipedia says...

Autonomy (Ancient Greek: αὐτο- auto- "self" + νόμος nomos, "law", hence when combined understood to mean "one who gives oneself their own law") Autonomy can be defined as the ability of the person to make his or her own decisions.

Interdependence is a relationship in which each member is mutually dependent on the others. This concept differs from a dependence relationship, where some members are dependent and some are not.

In my younger, fiercely independent days, those words were mutually exclusive. The defence of my autonomy, self law and governance, took precedence. Dependence was seen as a weakness. In some ways this approach served me well as I broke away from my childhood supports and carved out my own life. This as part of a natural and sometimes painful evolution from dependant child to independent young adult. My drive for autonomy provided me an education, multiple careers, security and a sense of self with confidence enough to pursue adventure.

What I wasn't able to see at the time was the cost of that fierce autonomy. Romantic relationships struggled and failed as I did not yet understand how to negotiate conflicting needs for mutual satisfaction. The evolution of young adult to fully functioning human being involves moving past our own isolated self driven decisions or needs to being able to consider a wider set of needs. Through my dogged, gentle pursuit of compassionate communication and empathy, I started to see that the essence of human connection and intimacy is indeed interdependence. Both parties showing up with all of themselves, secure and insecure, needs and desires, hopes and fears, and allow another to do the same. For the dependence to be a two way street, not 'equal', but fair and with respect and kindness. For the giving to be generously offered and graciously received; reciprocated and acknowledged.

I feel that in order to maintain this delicate balance of autonomy and interdependence, there needs to be the courage and willingness to engage in open dialogue. All human interaction is destined for sticky misunderstandings. I offer that interdependence grows in a delicate balance of honesty and compassion and healthy autonomy benefits from self awareness and expression. Idyllically both parties are willing to contribute to cultivating a culture wherein freedom of self is balanced with generous mutual dependance.

Back in my helmet, I reflect on the comfortable, playful, inquisitive routine my travel mate and I fell into as we shared route planning, navigation, camp chores and exploring. I can see how the joy of it was in the magical locations and twisty roads as well as in the true acceptance, interdependence and sharing.

Our roads diverged as he heads east and I settle in for a couple down days in Calgary. I reconnect to a full measure of autonomy as I happily enjoy my home away from home and catch up on laundry, rest, puttering and yes, blog posts with pictures!

 

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